Hey, Mom. I'm playing basketball like a Samurai Warrior [would]!
And the gaming systems aren't even in use.
Showing posts with label say what?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label say what?. Show all posts
Monday, December 28, 2009
Say What? the next edition
New "Things I Never Thought I'd Hear"
Hey, Mom. I'm playing basketball like a Samurai Warrior [would]!
And the gaming systems aren't even in use.
Hey, Mom. I'm playing basketball like a Samurai Warrior [would]!
And the gaming systems aren't even in use.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
This is how you chap my hide...
Make me relisten to a doctor stumble over a sentence for the 10th time, only to realize the doctor is saying, "He talks in somewhat of a mumble."
...and the crater on my desk from where my forehead has smacked it so often is now deep enough to serve salsa.
...and the crater on my desk from where my forehead has smacked it so often is now deep enough to serve salsa.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Things I never dreamt I'd say...or hear!
Ah, yes. More for you - click "say what?" in the tags for more.
Overheard in my house in the last few days:
1. I'm taking my Monster and fleeing (child up too early, dad's in a towel, Monster energy drink in hand).
2. You can't be hungry! You just ate your own barf! (to the cat, who, if overfed, loses his lunch because he eats like a bunny needs to proliferate).
3. A girl's breasts are where she keeps her eggs, right? (from the mouth of a very uninformed now educated child).
Something that came out of my mouth:
"What exactly is squirrel-tapping?" This in response to my son's accident with a baseball at school.
Ta-Da!
Overheard in my house in the last few days:
1. I'm taking my Monster and fleeing (child up too early, dad's in a towel, Monster energy drink in hand).
2. You can't be hungry! You just ate your own barf! (to the cat, who, if overfed, loses his lunch because he eats like a bunny needs to proliferate).
3. A girl's breasts are where she keeps her eggs, right? (from the mouth of a very uninformed now educated child).
Something that came out of my mouth:
"What exactly is squirrel-tapping?" This in response to my son's accident with a baseball at school.
Ta-Da!
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
So where's my economic relief package?
1. I didn't fall for the banks' slimy encouragement to buy a $250,000 home with a meager income.
2. I pay my taxes.
3. I support American ingenuity.
I want to know...why Exxon boasted record profits today. I agree with President Obama's assessment that the 20 BILLION dollar bonuses to Wall Street was, indeed, "shameful." I want to know why these people didn't read between the lines but still get to keep their homes, why the CEOs aren't going to see any dip in their pocketbooks, and why my interest rates keep going up when I pay everything ON TIME.
I'm tired of living in a house built in the 1820s. It's what we could afford, so that's what we went with. But, had we been STUPID and bought something that we couldn't afford, we'd be better off.
Sickening.
2. I pay my taxes.
3. I support American ingenuity.
I want to know...why Exxon boasted record profits today. I agree with President Obama's assessment that the 20 BILLION dollar bonuses to Wall Street was, indeed, "shameful." I want to know why these people didn't read between the lines but still get to keep their homes, why the CEOs aren't going to see any dip in their pocketbooks, and why my interest rates keep going up when I pay everything ON TIME.
I'm tired of living in a house built in the 1820s. It's what we could afford, so that's what we went with. But, had we been STUPID and bought something that we couldn't afford, we'd be better off.
Sickening.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Things I never thought I'd say - really, really never say
I have a new one to add to the "say what?" tag of things I never dreamed I'd say:
I washed my hands and looked for the towel, which had mysteriously disappeared.
"Mom! Come here!" KitKat requested.
"My hands are wet and I have to go sex my first snake," I replied.
Cactus Jack is a dude. So are Gideon's two. Scooter gave us two girls, and I'm just a tad embarrassed to say I'm good at "popping" snakes.
Back to work of the "normal" kind.
I washed my hands and looked for the towel, which had mysteriously disappeared.
"Mom! Come here!" KitKat requested.
"My hands are wet and I have to go sex my first snake," I replied.
Cactus Jack is a dude. So are Gideon's two. Scooter gave us two girls, and I'm just a tad embarrassed to say I'm good at "popping" snakes.
Back to work of the "normal" kind.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Poor White Trash Seismographs, or...
How I coped with my first earthquake.
Welcome to tornado alley, have an earthquake on our Mother Nature special! What a way to try to keep working on a backlogged deadline!
"Mrs. Smith is a 42-year-old lady..."
We live on a fairly busy street. The first week we lived here, a truck came by, its smokestack flapper just the right height to tear down the power line from our house to the pole, taking our meter assembly along with it.
With the first shake, I thought, "Wow. That's a really big truck," but then realized there wasn't any sound with it. By the time I convinced myself it wasn't a truck...
"...who comes in for impaired glucose tolerance, hyperlipidemia, and anxiety disorder..."
The second tremor hit.
I watched my monitor scootch across the stand. I sat, just a millisecond, and let it register. Crash at Scott Field? No, stupid. That would be over already.
It's hard to walk on a shaking floor. I know it didn't last that long, and by the time I made it to Mr. Sapphire's office, asked him if this is an earthquake, it stopped.
I ran to the stairs and yelled for the kids. Tiger's Eye and ManCub have a truce and are sharing a room. I heard Tiger's Eye yelling for his brother to wake up, soon joined by KitKat.
The quake woke 2/3 up, and got ManCub's attention enough to where it took a mere 2 seconds before all three of them came downstairs.
4:36 a.m., 120 miles from the epicenter, we just kind of looked at each other. I told them to make themselves comfy on the couch, my bed, and the recliner, but no way. We just lived through an earthquake. Time to play Supersmash Brothers on the Gamecube.
They were up.
I got little work done.
It didn't scare me as much as I didn't know how to respond to such a thing. I wanted them in the front room, by the front door so we could get out. When my neighbor lady called a short while later, just to make sure us non-native Californians didn't exhaust our Ativan supplies, I told her I moved all the kids into the living room, by the exit.
"Don't do that, baby girl! You goes out the door, there could be the ground openin' up. Swallow you whole, doncha just knowit!"
Give me my tornadoes back, please! I have developed a sudden preference, nay, fondness, for family time in the basement!
We also chatted about how our cats knew something was up. She has a nice fat baby and he lit across the house just before, and my Mr. Purr walked around for a few hours prior to the event like something was stuck in his whiskers. The dog? Nothing, I told her.
"Only cats hear quakes. They hear stuff dogs cain't."
I trust the Californian. The cat is under constant surveillance.
KitKat had a stressful week, which meant her stomach pains became a mitigating factor against all she needed to accomplish. With both parts of her Constitution test out of the way, having a hard time sleeping before the earthquake, and the excitement after, she stayed home.
Nice, but I hadn't been to bed yet.
I'm not always of the opinion that I'm a *good* mom. I love my kids, I provide for them, and they always have clean clothes, but sometimes I think I'm shorting them because I work so much. I mean, I'm always here, but I'm not here for them, in my thoughts. Five minutes at a time doesn't substitute in any way for quality time, but it's sometimes all I have to give.
My motherly instinct, though, trumped. I absolutely could not sleep until Mr. Sapphire came home at 2:30. I didn't know what to do in an earthquake. Leaving KitKat alone didn't seem right.
We like Fruit2O around here. I bought some last weekend and haven't gone around picking up all the bottles yet (ManCub blamed). In this case, it worked out pretty handy. When the next tremor came about noon, KitKat and I hung out, hugging, watching a partially filled bottle until the water stopped sloshing, and then found the two other bottles and placed them in strategic parts of the house.
When her dad got home, I told her, in case of an earthquake, just put a pillow over my head. I didn't think I'd have the ability to feel another one. I'd just imagine Mother Nature rocking me to sleep. I incorporate things into my dreams like that.
And I slept for 15 hours. My bladder hated me. Hey, I stayed up 23 hours, on top of five hours of sleep, on top of three hours of sleep, on top of six...
I fully intend to get the house clean, but I think I'll keep my PWT seismographs on display. Aldi has them on sale again this week, too :)
Welcome to tornado alley, have an earthquake on our Mother Nature special! What a way to try to keep working on a backlogged deadline!
"Mrs. Smith is a 42-year-old lady..."
We live on a fairly busy street. The first week we lived here, a truck came by, its smokestack flapper just the right height to tear down the power line from our house to the pole, taking our meter assembly along with it.
With the first shake, I thought, "Wow. That's a really big truck," but then realized there wasn't any sound with it. By the time I convinced myself it wasn't a truck...
"...who comes in for impaired glucose tolerance, hyperlipidemia, and anxiety disorder..."
The second tremor hit.
I watched my monitor scootch across the stand. I sat, just a millisecond, and let it register. Crash at Scott Field? No, stupid. That would be over already.
It's hard to walk on a shaking floor. I know it didn't last that long, and by the time I made it to Mr. Sapphire's office, asked him if this is an earthquake, it stopped.
I ran to the stairs and yelled for the kids. Tiger's Eye and ManCub have a truce and are sharing a room. I heard Tiger's Eye yelling for his brother to wake up, soon joined by KitKat.
The quake woke 2/3 up, and got ManCub's attention enough to where it took a mere 2 seconds before all three of them came downstairs.
4:36 a.m., 120 miles from the epicenter, we just kind of looked at each other. I told them to make themselves comfy on the couch, my bed, and the recliner, but no way. We just lived through an earthquake. Time to play Supersmash Brothers on the Gamecube.
They were up.
I got little work done.
It didn't scare me as much as I didn't know how to respond to such a thing. I wanted them in the front room, by the front door so we could get out. When my neighbor lady called a short while later, just to make sure us non-native Californians didn't exhaust our Ativan supplies, I told her I moved all the kids into the living room, by the exit.
"Don't do that, baby girl! You goes out the door, there could be the ground openin' up. Swallow you whole, doncha just knowit!"
Give me my tornadoes back, please! I have developed a sudden preference, nay, fondness, for family time in the basement!
We also chatted about how our cats knew something was up. She has a nice fat baby and he lit across the house just before, and my Mr. Purr walked around for a few hours prior to the event like something was stuck in his whiskers. The dog? Nothing, I told her.
"Only cats hear quakes. They hear stuff dogs cain't."
I trust the Californian. The cat is under constant surveillance.
KitKat had a stressful week, which meant her stomach pains became a mitigating factor against all she needed to accomplish. With both parts of her Constitution test out of the way, having a hard time sleeping before the earthquake, and the excitement after, she stayed home.
Nice, but I hadn't been to bed yet.
I'm not always of the opinion that I'm a *good* mom. I love my kids, I provide for them, and they always have clean clothes, but sometimes I think I'm shorting them because I work so much. I mean, I'm always here, but I'm not here for them, in my thoughts. Five minutes at a time doesn't substitute in any way for quality time, but it's sometimes all I have to give.
My motherly instinct, though, trumped. I absolutely could not sleep until Mr. Sapphire came home at 2:30. I didn't know what to do in an earthquake. Leaving KitKat alone didn't seem right.
We like Fruit2O around here. I bought some last weekend and haven't gone around picking up all the bottles yet (ManCub blamed). In this case, it worked out pretty handy. When the next tremor came about noon, KitKat and I hung out, hugging, watching a partially filled bottle until the water stopped sloshing, and then found the two other bottles and placed them in strategic parts of the house.
When her dad got home, I told her, in case of an earthquake, just put a pillow over my head. I didn't think I'd have the ability to feel another one. I'd just imagine Mother Nature rocking me to sleep. I incorporate things into my dreams like that.
And I slept for 15 hours. My bladder hated me. Hey, I stayed up 23 hours, on top of five hours of sleep, on top of three hours of sleep, on top of six...
I fully intend to get the house clean, but I think I'll keep my PWT seismographs on display. Aldi has them on sale again this week, too :)
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Things I never dreamt I'd say - 2
"I'm reconstructing the Roman empire out of papier mache tonight."
Islands are a real pain, did you know that?
Islands are a real pain, did you know that?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Things I never dreamt I'd say
This is a cumulative effort of a list I've been putting together over the years. I'm sure there will be room for additions!
1. Quit playing the piano with your butt.
2. Get off the piano.
3. All right, who moved the couch? And who hid their dinner under here?
4. Get the snake out of your mouth.
5. Quit sitting in the refrigerator.
6. Yes, sweetie; Sleeping Beauty did wear glasses. Back in the old days, they had to take them off or there would be a glare from the camera.
7. Who put shredded cheese between the piano keys?
8. The shop vac is not a bathroom. I know it will suck it up. Just don't do it.
9. No, honey. You are not the Crocodile Hunter. If you see a rattlesnake, don'tpick it up. I don't care how Steve does it. You are unqualified.
10. Yes, cats land on their feet most of the time. If you dare test this theory, I'll test it out on you, too.
11. What do you mean, "we need a new mixer?" What do you mean "it wouldn't flush?"
12. So what you're telling me is this: It wouldn't flush and you decided to slice and dice???
(This, actually, showed great foresight/hindsight/presence of thought. I did buy a new hand mixer, BTW)
13. Quit opening the cookies and sticking them to the window.
14. Pokemon. Not Pokeman. Got it.
15. I'm going to take a nap. Please don't put the gerbils in my hair again.
16. Someone clean the macaroni off the ceiling.
17. I'm SO blogging this!
18. You're 15. What do you mean by "I've outgrown Metallica?" That makes me sad.
19. Since when does picking out teenage smell-well equate to shopping for prom dresses? What's that? Phoenix? I can't find the matching deodorant. I found Vice. Oh, wait. You found the Phoenix? Why can't they put the spray and deodorant on different shelves but at the same spot? What did you wear last time? That does not smell fruity.
20. I love my gerbils.
21. Your socks are on the oatmeal container on the dishwasher.
22. Is this the snake you lost two months ago? Or did another one get away? No, the tongs aren't the serrated kind.
23. Please don't hypnotize me with the pumpkin necklace. I don't need to think I'm a chicken, too.
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