This is a cumulative effort of a list I've been putting together over the years. I'm sure there will be room for additions!
1. Quit playing the piano with your butt.
2. Get off the piano.
3. All right, who moved the couch? And who hid their dinner under here?
4. Get the snake out of your mouth.
5. Quit sitting in the refrigerator.
6. Yes, sweetie; Sleeping Beauty did wear glasses. Back in the old days, they had to take them off or there would be a glare from the camera.
7. Who put shredded cheese between the piano keys?
8. The shop vac is not a bathroom. I know it will suck it up. Just don't do it.
9. No, honey. You are not the Crocodile Hunter. If you see a rattlesnake, don'tpick it up. I don't care how Steve does it. You are unqualified.
10. Yes, cats land on their feet most of the time. If you dare test this theory, I'll test it out on you, too.
11. What do you mean, "we need a new mixer?" What do you mean "it wouldn't flush?"
12. So what you're telling me is this: It wouldn't flush and you decided to slice and dice???
(This, actually, showed great foresight/hindsight/presence of thought. I did buy a new hand mixer, BTW)
13. Quit opening the cookies and sticking them to the window.
14. Pokemon. Not Pokeman. Got it.
15. I'm going to take a nap. Please don't put the gerbils in my hair again.
16. Someone clean the macaroni off the ceiling.
17. I'm SO blogging this!
18. You're 15. What do you mean by "I've outgrown Metallica?" That makes me sad.
19. Since when does picking out teenage smell-well equate to shopping for prom dresses? What's that? Phoenix? I can't find the matching deodorant. I found Vice. Oh, wait. You found the Phoenix? Why can't they put the spray and deodorant on different shelves but at the same spot? What did you wear last time? That does not smell fruity.
20. I love my gerbils.
21. Your socks are on the oatmeal container on the dishwasher.
22. Is this the snake you lost two months ago? Or did another one get away? No, the tongs aren't the serrated kind.
23. Please don't hypnotize me with the pumpkin necklace. I don't need to think I'm a chicken, too.
1 comment:
Oh my gawd, these should not be read while drinking coffee. My monitor was showered. These are hilarious. My husband and I throughly enjoy this... thanks for making us smile. Believe me, I needed it!
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