The Way of the Weirdo

Okay. Around here, we have a thing. A thing where a mother torments her children for the sake of a laugh--definitely from mother, but hopefully from child, as well. We call it "indoctrination in the way of the weirdo." In my mind, I see Gonzo from the Muppets, but the kids don't quite grasp that...They definitely don't get my wiggling when my cell phone rings. You see, they're Muppet ringtones!

The conversation below is in an instant message. It would not matter if it were face to face; the results would be the same. As you can see, KitKat's developing a rapier-sharp wit, and I'm enjoying it immensely.

KitKat: Aol is being stupid
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: What's it doing?
KitKat: it wont let look at the link you showed me
Sapphire: Oh
Sapphire: Let me send it to you here
Sapphire: There you go!
Sapphire: The book I requested from the library was one suggested by this site
KitKat: this is what i'm looking at
Sapphire: That looks good
Sapphire: Are you supposed to focus on the mounds or do you need a more rounded report?
KitKat: i am just looking on one site.
KitKat: there's more i have to do
KitKat: like location, agraculture, food, religon, clothing
KitKat: ex.
Sapphire: etc.
Sapphire: K
KitKat: whatever
KitKat: like it matters
Sapphire: It does matter
Sapphire: etc., stands for "et cetera" which means "so on" and "so forth"
KitKat: i knew that
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: Just trying to get your brain to swell with all kinds of info
KitKat: how can that work if i already know the info/
KitKat: ?
Sapphire: I
Sapphire: am
Sapphire: CRANKY!
KitKat: OK........
KitKat: I CANT HELP
KitKat: I THINK IM DONE FOR NOW
KitKat: I GET OF NOW
KitKat: OFF
KitKat: *
Sapphire: Don't leave me.....
KitKat: WHY?
Sapphire: I'm grumpy
Sapphire: I need somebody
Sapphire: I want to run away from home.
KitKat: WATCH TV
Sapphire: Myrtle Beach sounds really good about now
Sapphire: I can't (watch TV)
Sapphire: Makes my eyes hurt
KitKat: COMPLAIN
KitKat: COMPLAIN
KitKat: COMPLAIN
KitKat: COMPLAIN
KitKat: COMPLAIN
KitKat: IS THAT ALL YOU DO?
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: I'll shut up
KitKat: OK
KitKat: THAT'S BETTER
Sapphire: Do you want to come with me when I get specs?
KitKat: IT (the font) WAS TO LIGHT
Sapphire: too
KitKat: WHAT'S THAT?
Sapphire: too light
KitKat: SPECES
Sapphire: glasses
Sapphire: spectacles = specs
Sapphire: Being mod
KitKat: K
Sapphire: ern
Sapphire: something like that
KitKat: ALRIGHT
Sapphire: You won't let me get anything that will make me look stupid, would you?
KitKat: OF COURSE NOT. IT WILL EMBARASS ME
Sapphire: If they have anything tiger striped, however, it is coming home.
Sapphire: ^o^}}}}~~~~
Sapphire: Cypber tiger
Sapphire: cyber
KitKat: I GET IT
KitKat: I'M BORED
Sapphire: Tiffany's online
Sapphire: Do you have MIchelle's IM?
KitKat: YEAH BUT IT DOESN'T SHOW ANYTHING ON MINE
Sapphire: send an invite to XXXXXXXXXXXX
KitKat: NEVER MIND
Sapphire: See if that gets you anywhere
Sapphire: You see her now?
KitKat: tiffany said she was coming for christmas
KitKat: did you know?
Sapphire: She just told me
KitKat: k
KitKat: well that's clarified
KitKat: im getting tired
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: I'll share a pillow with you
Sapphire: Okay, not my curvy pillow
KitKat: well i'm talking
Sapphire: I'll share another pillow with you, though
KitKat: k
KitKat: maybe after tiffany logs out
KitKat: she wounders if they can go upstairs
Sapphire: Nope. They'll sleep out in the car.
Sapphire: Oh...we have that dog house that's never been used. Surely someone's small enough for that.
KitKat: mom
Sapphire: Yes?
KitKat: i will tell her that
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: copy/paste
Sapphire: It's easier
KitKat: that will make them want to call it off then
Sapphire: Okay.
KitKat: forget it ill ask dad
Sapphire: We'll probably put tiff in with you on an air mattress or something
Sapphire: Leave the bunk beds up, and Jasmine and Tana can go in there
KitKat: that might work
Sapphire: We'll put ManCub out with Tiger's Eye (Maybe not such a good idea, but it's a working theory)
Sapphire: I'll sleep on the couch
Sapphire: I like that old beat-up thing
Sapphire: Your dad can sleep with his snakes.
Sapphire: We'll think of something else.
Sapphire: It's not like we don't have enough room.
Sapphire: We just need to figure out how to use it
KitKat: k
KitKat: you talking to her
Sapphire: We can fit 'em all in, and, yes, Tiffany can go upstairs.
KitKat: if you are tell her this
Sapphire: If she's not careful, I'll lock her in your closet and keep her
Sapphire: No.
Sapphire: I figure you can translate Momisweird
Sapphire: The official language of the way of the weirdo
KitKat: you want me to put a restraning order on you
Sapphire: If I were you, I'd skip the order and go right to the restraints.
KitKat: is it too late to diny your my mom?
Sapphire: you would deny your mother???
KitKat: yes
Sapphire: As long as it's a restraint with Pooh prints (preferably with Eeyore) I will go quietly.
KitKat: leave me alone
KitKat: you are doing a great job of BUGGING ME
Sapphire: K
Sapphire: bye
KitKat: i didn't mean that
KitKat: you were just giving me a hard time
Sapphire: Yesh
Sapphire: I'll behave.
Sapphire: Do I have a time limit, or do I have to behave for the rest of the night?
KitKat: go get a treat
Sapphire: I'm out of marshmallows
KitKat: well then....
KitKat: uh......................
KitKat: trailmix?
Sapphire: We need to go to the Lantern in Columbia
Sapphire: I hear they have nice menu items.
KitKat: that sounds good
Sapphire: I wonder if they have a toll-free number to their frog legs supplier. You know, they get them frozen.
KitKat: ............