When a horsefly gets in your house...

do you:

A) Grab a swatter and your son's size 14 shoe?

B) Take the newspaper (like you'd grab it from the stand), open the door, and fan/scare the horsefly toward the outside?

C) Nothing, because your dog found it first and has been chasing it for 2 hours, and she's teaching her new sibling dog to chase it, as well?

One dog just came from the back of the house and another from the kitchen, and they flushed it back towards me. Lucy actually caught it once and had it on the ground. She pawed at it and it took off again. This thing is huge. They've stopped for water 3 times.

She finds spiders and snakes for me, too. If I come in a room and see her sitting and staring off in space, I know we have a bug to deal with.

Does anyone else have a dog where you can say, "Where's the bug?" and she'll go looking for one?

Horsefly update:  The dogs successfully cornered the horsefly into a light sconce, one of the ones that is hard to change bulbs for, as the new "environmentally friendly" (cough cough mercury filled and hazardous to clean up) just barely fit.  The fly is now stuck and can't figure out how to get out.

I don't know whether to try to get it out or let my dogs still sit right under it and watch the light, listening for the really loud buzz of the horsefly as it pings in its limited space beneath that monstrous bulb and the flare of the sconce. 

It's sad when my best entertainment of the day comes from a horsefly and two dogs.

The Wedding Gum

My sister got married yesterday. She booked the air force base chapel, so we had to be in and out in two hours. They're very strict about this. It took about 45 minutes just to get her dressed. Has anyone else heard of spraying crinolines with hairspray to get them to poof more? It works.

So, the photographer called for the bride, and the bridesmaids were going to be next. My daughter was a bridesmaid, so I went to track down my sons, who volunteered to do a backup video. My mom came rushing up as the photographer called for the mother of the bride. She said, "Take this," and stuck a glob of Trident on the tip of my finger.

I couldn't find a trash can. I made it to the annex and went to what the chapel called a "cry room," thinking that when babies cry, the first thing you do is check the diaper, right?

No trash can. The cry room works 50/50. My niece was happy. My nephew wasn't.

My brother-in-law caught me as I came out of the cry room. "You're on. Go go go!"

"I have gum!" I said. "I can't find the trash!"

"Give it here," he said, and he took the gum.

Here's the thing: It wasn't my mom's gum.

Oh, no.

The BRIDE gave up the gum because, hey, weddings are a lot like school - no gum. She gave it to her twin, who got called up while - get this - trying to find a trash can, because she was the maid of honor. So, she gave the gum to Mom, who made it halfway down the aisle before being called up (big church), and gave the gum to me.

When my brother and I got into the picture, he said, "Somebody make a joke."

I told him about the gum. Nobody else had realized the gum had traveled so far. Turned out my brother-in-law found the trash can and the baby changing station in the bathroom, which were a long way away from the annex and chapel.

Birthday, 7:20 a.m.

Me: Justin, go get Katie up.
Justin: Okay.
(Boom boom boom - up stairs - boom boom boom - down stairs)
Justin: She's in a great mood.
Me: Cool.
Justin: That's called sarcasm.
Me: Uh oh, what did she do?
Justin: She threatened to throw pieces of a broken drawer at me.
Me: Wow. She let you live? That means she loves you.
Justin: Love hurts.

So far, so good. I made RJ run out and get me a cake, a 24-case of Diet Coke (yeah, I'm one of THOSE people), and some laundry soap as soon as the clock hit midnight. I also have tons and tons of wire coming for my viking weave schtuff.

Me: (Discussing Katie's morning madness again) I sometimes take Smeagol up with me and toss him at her.
Justin: (Unintelligible).

He exited, stage backward. A few minutes later:

Justin: That made her a lot happier.
Me: That's wonderful!
Justin: That's sarcasm again, Mom.

Apparently, this was Katie's schpiel:
Katie: You were just up here 4 minutes ago what do you want now I don't want to see you.
Justin: I brought up the kitty. See?
(Tosses Smeagol on her bed).

(Katie gets up, stomps over, he runs, and she slams the door).

I expect to see her soon. Too soon.

Out from under the rock to fuss about healthcare

I, the medical transcriptionist extraordinaire, wish to fuss.

This is the 5th nerve conduction test I've typed up this week for patients who are all 80 or older. The ages are 80, 80, 85, 86, and 90. These patients, all but one, insist they're too old to have surgery, but the one 80-year-old patient's parents both lived until their mid 90s and her only medicines are as needed for arthritis. She wants to have carpal tunnel releases done so she can keep knitting and crocheting. That, to me, is a perfectly valid reason. I'd go crazy without my crafting after two months.

For the others, however, who are not going to have surgery: All of the four had very distinct symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome. In other words, they need to shake out their hands if they sleep on them wrong. All had thenar wasting. All had decreased sensation in the median nerve distribution. All had the thumb, index finger, and middle finger affected. Hello, carpal tunnel syndrome.

Again, they insisted that they did not want anything done for the condition.

So, why did their physicians get the testing done?

Not only did they have nerve conduction testing done, but they also went with the extra step of an EMG, looking for evidence of cord compression, radiculopathy, etc.

Hello...if they weren't going to have carpal tunnel releases done, a relatively common and safe procedure, why waste the extra money for another more extensive surgery that they're not going to have done, either?

I tried to do a quick check about the cost of nerve testing and EMG testing, one side or both. Minimum figure for the nerve testing alone, both sides, was $800. Add it up, just for this week. This is a very regular occurrence.

If all the physical exam findings are there, for goodness' sake, just give the patients the wrist splints and send them home! If all this crap is just for documentation purposes...

Makes me want to scream.

Lions! No tigers or bears...yet...oh my.

Yeah, so I didn't do any dishes today.

I used too much TLS as the coating for the black one. He's for a bracelet and you can see the ribbon already attached to the "normal" one. I'm wearing them for a test run. The TLS softened all the rough edges while allowing the shape to come through. All in all, I'm very, very pleased. That is wire mixed in with the black/silver. I'm not sure I like it, but we'll see.

'Memba Bartles & Jaymes?

Every time I type a letter for this doc, I think of these guys:



She says, "Thank you for your kind referral and continued support."

I'm such a loser

After a long night, this just tickles me no end:

"She is referred to me
by Dr. McKee
for evaluation of her knee."

Help me.

How did I miss this???

Obviously, this would have been more effective before 12/25, but better late than never.

Say What? the next edition

New "Things I Never Thought I'd Hear"

Hey, Mom. I'm playing basketball like a Samurai Warrior [would]!

And the gaming systems aren't even in use.

Reading Counts

Ah, the versatile black bean. Beans? Check. Chips? Check. Salsa? Check.

Beans from the can? Bland, of course. A pinch of cumin, a touch of curry, and a few barely there shakes of chipotle. Tried and true.

Combine with salsa and a tiny bit of sour cream, put on top of chips.

Sit down and re-listen to a crazy sport medicine doctor and...

start crying from the extra spicy flavor.

I did not see the label for my salsa. It's the normal salsa jar in shape and size and color...the label is green...

I don't know which miserable, sneaky, no-good nimrod child o' mine put the flamin' hot Vesuvius style salsa in my shopping cart and then in my pantry but I will take no quarter. I'll just breathe on them when it's time to wake them up in the morning.

Emphasized with the Z-snap.

Yikes. Nimrods 6. Mom 17,200.

*********

Let's go Nimrods 7 and Mom 17,200. It's now two hours later and my lips are STILL numb. I don't know about my tongue, but it feels a lot smoother, as if my papillae have been removed by cautery.

Gah.